Monday, June 26, 2006

Let me hurt you again

Normally hearing about peoples dreams bores the pants off me but I just had to tell this one as it involves you. In my dream the other night I was showing an electrician into the house as I was renovating and every time he had to do any work he had to nude up, as in full monty. I was a bit shocked in my dream because he looked like some 70's reject with a mullet but I couldn't help laughing and I thought this was an excellent topic for the blog. I went and got out my mobile phone which has a camera and couldn't work out how to turn off the sound so that I could take a pic without the "click" sound so that I could take a sneaky pic to show you. and then woke up so sorry, no nude electrician pix for you ;}

now reading: Monsoon - Wilbur Smith
now playing: Seether - Disclaimer II

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Must be something on your mind, something lost and left behind

All I have for you today are these links:




take from them what you will.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

fuck. fuck. fucking fuck.

So one of my worst nightmares has come true. Had dinner with my Ma last night when she pipes up with "oh by the way I'm going blind" EXCUSE me? She's developing cataracts and her long distance vision is cactus. She knew that they were developing a little while ago but didn't really think much of it but in the last 4 months it's worsened 1 diopter which is pretty bad. She was pretty perky about it but I think she's covering so that I won't worry - HA as if! Basically her only option is to go for one of those lens replacement operations but she's scared of the side effects. I'm scared of the whole process because if she does go through with the operation she's going to be a vegetable until she's healed and they take the bandages off. She only has 5-10% hearing and that coupled with no vision... heheh I'm hearing Metallica's One in my head. The good thing about the operation would be that she can throw away her contact lenses as she'd have vastly improved sight with the new lenses. The only other option if she's not a candidate for the lens replacement is euthenasia.

Man that's fucked up. To actually write that word. We've spoken about it before [Ma and I] and I'm in total agreement with her that it's all about quality of life. If she's blind and deaf, there's not much quality there except for stuffing your face full of chocolates. We've got an agreement that if she wants to go that way then she can't go alone. Basically the family needs a chance to say goodbye and as morbid as it sounds I want to be there when she finally goes. I couldn't let her die alone and as much as my heart breaks at the thought of actually doing it, I couldn't sit back and not help. It's the least I owe her. She gave me life and if I have to I will give her death. It's just becoming more real. It was always just talk before. Now it could be a possibility and I wonder how on earth I'm going to handle it when the time comes, I'll just have to. I could go to jail as it's illegal here. It'd be worth it though. I dunno, I don't want to think about all the details too much just yet. She could still have years and years left and it's very likely that she's a good candidate for the cataract op. But it's all becoming a bit too real at the moment and I'm freaking out just a little.

Stoney broke at the moment and of course I've got a stack of bills, car rego and car insurance due, need to buy 2 new tyres [all them burnouts heheh] need a haircut. Why is it that when I have no cash or savings that I get hit with a bundle...

I'm gonna go and turn off my brain with a bit of The OC, yep I'm coming out of the closet and admitting I'm a fan. I just can't help it. I have two words for you Cam Gigandet.


Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Let me stick my needles in, and let me hurt you again

Since I was bitching about work last time I've actually got interesting news this time. There could be some very exciting changes about to occur at work. Some of my long running problems could be resolved with the imminent departure of one resident thorn in my side aka fucktardassclown. I've heard that the new boss wants him gone, no second [well more like third] chances, no chance to prove himself - gone. Fuckin fantastic as that means I can absorb his staff and take on his role and amalgamate it with my team and fuckin streamline a whooooole shitload of processes. I'm going to put together a role proposal just incase fucktardassclown leaves. Just puts another notch on my scoreboard if I'm prepared with a proposal on how the whole shebang can be amalgamated and streamlined. I'm actually quite excited about the prospect and chuckling mercilessly to myself at fucktardassclown getting the boot. AND I managed to piss off another condescending, ignorant fucktard via the new boss so cue more chuckling because he's blaming the boss not me HAHA sucked in!

Had my nails done today and naturally they're looking fab. Two things bothering me though... okay make that three. Firstly for the last two appointments my nails girly has been chewing gum and normally I don't have a problem with that if it's discreet [if that's the right word for it] but the last two times she's been smacking and munching that gum like there's no tomorrow. Fuckin annoying! And the same irritating music that they've got on in the background has been now playing for the last 3 months... I'm surprised that she's not totally bonkers by now! [or maybe she is hence the gum mastication]. And the third is just a pet peeve in general, her mobile rang half way through the appointment and she excused herself to answer it and that's cool, if it was an emergency... but it wasn't and left me there for 5 mins. I just think it's unprofessional. At least she went out the back to talk instead of sitting there in front of me [I could still hear her though] but in a client service industry I just think that's wrong. The fact that she did it to me last appointment too is what gives me the shits. But hey, I'm building a bridge and I'm over it.

Am having a semi argument with Roger. I've been a bit terse with him lately, mainly due to the fact that he has this uncanny knack of coming for a social chat when I'm VERY busy so I've been a bit abrupt but figuring the friendly nature of our relationship that he could take a bit of shit. So he pipped me about it today so I apologised because basically it is my bad for taking my shit out on him and it's my problem not his. His reply was one massive guilt trip. I didn't think he'd be so damned petulant about it. Fuck I'm apologising for being a bitch [a rare occurance in itself] and he's gonna get all trippy on me. Fuck you and your high horse.

Now playing: Seether - Disclaimer II
Still reading: Golden Fox - Wilbur Smith

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Cleansed and pure and weak, I suffer when I dream

I have nothing to report. Sadly enough I caught up with someone I haven't seen in about 4 years and had even less to report. I've done absolutely nothing noteworthy in 4 years. I've gone to work, I've come home, repeat ad infinitum. Sad that I have no interesting factoids apart from that. No interesting holidays, no earth shattering events. nix, nada, zippo. Gotta do something about that pronto. It's very scary to think that the only newsworthy item in my life over the past 4 years is that I've quit pot, and that's not exactly something that I share with people because they didn't exactly know in the first place.

Speaking of pot, I'm either developing a brain tumour or something cuz I've been getting phantom smells lately. I'll be driving home from work when all of a sudden I can smell it so strongly... cravings at 10 months and 3 weeks... dammit!

I've been feeling pretty dark of late, another reason for the no postage apart from insane work. I won't bore you with the details. Just the usual bullshit which I'm getting a bit sick of. More bullshit later eh?