Thursday, February 23, 2006

in the middle of my thoughts

Saw a neat bumper sticker on the way home today:

Just imagine what you could do if you knew you couldn't fail.

I like that. I think it's just what I needed at the moment. I think my fear of failure surpasses the will to succeed sometimes even though that's what I dream of most.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown

I'm trying to blog more than once a week as has been the trend of the last couple of weeks but things are just so hectic. So many things to do, not enough time! I've thought of half a dozen posts but getting around to sitting down in front of the laptop seems to be difficult. I promise to make a more of an effort.

Got some devastating news today. My big boss is moving to Tasmania. This means big things for our section and I'm not happy about it. I'm happy for him but not happy about the predicament he leaves us in. I really hope that his replacement comes from outside the organisation because I really can't think of anyone who would be suitable. Just when we've gotten things running really smoothly. Oh well, not much I can do about it but I'm sure you'll be hearing about it in the coming months.

MrP's wife had her baby on Sunday... heheh I'm not really sure if it's a boy or a girl yet as it's name is a bit ambiguous. I'm going to see them on the weekend so I'll find out then ;}. But tis healthy which is the main thing. I think he's in a bit of shock but it's what he's wanted so that's the main thing.

Found out that my goddaughters grandfather died last week. Unfortunately her father found out from his cousin while at a bar. He was at the bar on Sunday playing pool when his cousin came up to him and said "I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, please let me know when the funeral is". He was totally shocked because his father had died on Tuesday of the week before and no one had bothered telling him. How awful for him! They were expecting his Dad to pop off soon as he hadn't been well in a long time but the fact that no one made the effort to contact him when he only lived an hour or so away is just incomprehensible.

My kitchen is almost finished. Getting the final benchtop measurements tomorrow then the electrician on friday morning then it's just up to the benchtop delivery then hey presto! It'll be nice to be able to cook again. it's been a bloody long time so I'd love to spend 2 days cooking and just have a massive feast to celebrate.

I've got a whole stack of things I could bitch about but I'm just too tired, gotta get some sleep [which seems to also be eluding me along with all the hours in the day]

Did one of those personality test things at work and this is what it thinks of me:

Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and
brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong
clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality.

Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less
talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and
hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give
up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked Loves to be alone.

Thinks differently from others.
Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciates praises.
High-spirited........ Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions.
Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High
abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions.

Spot on really :]

Now playing: the radio
Now reading: The Burning Shore - Wilbur Smith

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

every day is a new day

I wish I had something exciting to tell you but it's no news as usual. So some funnies...

This is work safe and totally not what it looks like but man it cracked me up:

Fluffy Diseases at

And to pilfer something I saw at the Anonymous Cog's blog - Terry Tate - Office Linebacker but there's a few more on this site because one just isn't enough.

Have I told you that I hate Valentines day? Not because it's a day for smug couples to make singletons feel like crap but because on this day [well it was really Valentines Day night] about 10 years ago that I got in a major car accident. Wiped out my "friend's" car, wiped out a taxi all while the owner of the car was passed out in the back of the car. He slept right through it and the cops had to wake him up about half an hour afterwards. So in the space of 2 seconds I managed to get myself into $12,000 debt, lost the guy that I was interested in at the time thanks to the other girl in the car with us and developed a hate for touchy revved up red Toranas. Oh not only that but I got fined because my drivers licence had expired the week before and I hadn't gotten around to renewing it so I got fined for being unlicenced and I was .000000000001 over the limit as I'd had one glass of alcohol years ago and so I got fined for being over the limit as well. Happy Valentines day eh? I've never really had much luck with Valentines day, seems to be my Friday 13th. So needless to say I had a crap day yesterday and had to put up with smug couples making me feel extra single. Of course you realise that if I was in a relationship that I'd love V day ;}

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

in the end, it doesn't even matter

Coupla blasts from the past today. As you know I'm a member of one of those internet dating sites and I keep finding guys that I know in real life popping up on the site which makes me chuckle to see how they describe themselves etc. Today's discovery was Meatboy [his actual nickname in real life not his name on the site]. I met this dude when I first came back from my adventures overseas. When I came back I was in a bit of a lull and spent most of my time dole bludging, smoking pot and drinking. There was this pub called the Terminus and they had excellent live music and I fast became a regular and got to know one of the groups of long haired louts and lasses down there. I could tell you lots of funny stories about those times and I probably should tell you some more juicy stories, it has been a while. Meatboy being one of them. Meatboy was so named because he was a butcher at the time [probably still is y'know, actually last time I bumped into him he was chopping at a shop close to me. I really should look him up for laffs] and use to keep us all in meat at 5 finger discount prices. He looks really good in his pic but he's so not the kinda guy I'm looking for but we had a lot of good times together.

And on the subject of internet dating sites, I think it's seriously tacky to post a pic of yourself which is a photo of you and a girl together and she's been cut off. I'm not sure why it bugs me so much but if I see it it's an automatic pass. yep I'm shallow. ;] This internet dating thing is just clutching to a possibility. I don't seriously expect to meet Mr Right but I can't look away just in case. You never know right? Gotta be in it to win it.

It's scary how fast time flies. Spoke to my good friend MrP who got married last May [see May archives for full details of the Adelaide trip] and he mentioned that his wife was due yesterday, which means that any time now he's going to be a Dad. Woah.. a Dad. Mondo bizzaro. I don't think he's quite ready for it but I'm sure he'll cope.

Can you believe that it's been six and a half months since I stopped smoking pot? Talk about time flying. It just doesn't seem that long but at the same time it does. I've been having cravings lately which makes me think about it. Caught myself thinking 'I should just have a smoke and see how I go, I can stop, I know I can'. Old habits die hard eh? I think I'm just getting bored again. I promised myself that I wouldn't smoke for at least a year so I'm already half way through. Once I've made it through the year I'm just going to renew my contract with myself and make it for another year and so on. I think it's the only way I can do it. Now I just need to make a contract with myself to exercise everyday.

Went for my fitness assessment today [more like unfitness assessment]. Wasn't too bad, no big surprises anyway. And then I went for my walk around the lake this afternoon and got an attack of the shin splints. It wasn't as bad as two weeks ago when my legs literally siezed up but oh the pain. I'm lying in bed while I type and just that 30 minute walk hurt more than either of the hour and a half walks I did last week. I don't get it. The only thing I can chalk it up to is that I walk faster when I'm walking alone instead of with Loz and her doggie chums. It's been great walking with her as I get to spend some serious quality time with my surrogate dogs.

No word from JDub. That sucks.

Top 3:
1. honest upfront people who are committed to change and aren't afraid to speak their minds
2. excellent music playing through mp3 goodness while sitting on a bench watching the sun glitter on the little wavelets of the lake. Soft breeze taking the heat off the day and bringing the smell of dry summer grass to your nostrils. Too good [even through shin splinty pain]
3. dreams - although this is also a bad thing because I've been having extra odd dreams lately and waking up thinking that I need to be remembering something but I'm not sure what. I like those dreams where you wake up and really have to think about whether it really happened or if it was a dream. Interesting that grey matter of mine.

now playing: Linkin Park - Reanimation [what else]
now reading: The Burning Shore - Wilbur Smith [I really want to go to Africa after being totally engrossed in this series of books]

Thursday, February 02, 2006

hold the phones folks

We have a new contender for the top of the drool list. Hello Wentworth Miller!

I was watching the first episode of Prison Break last night and it looks like it's going to be an interesting series as well as visually entertaining. Woah the broody looks and intense eyes. And go the shaved head. Can't remember if we've spoken about my penchant for baldies/shaved/number 1 heads. anyway enough of that, damn ovulation.

It's a scorching 37 degrees [98 degrees for you backwards folk] at the moment ugh! I'm practically melting on the chair. I hate it when it's this hot but they're promising us a cool change tonight. all I can feel is a hot breeze so it better cool down or else!

Speaking of changes from yesterday, I moved offices today and I'm now the proud owner with a room with a view. Yep I can actually see the green [well make that brownish] grass and blue sky instead of boring grey walls. I can't believe the amount of crap I've been hoarding over the last couple of years. Spent most of the afternoon throwing shit out so it's been pretty cathartic. It also looks like I'm going to get another two staff members which is unreal. One of them I already know and requested so she's going to make an excellent addition to the team. The other we're currently recruiting as a temp replacement for Mrs Hollingsworth. We're being a bit sneaky and rewriting the role profile so that she has no role to come back to but then again she seems a lot happier in her new role so she might stay there. I'm really glad, for her as well as for my team, because it was getting a bit unbearable there for a while. I didn't really realise how bad until after she'd left. It's funny how much lighter it is in the section now.

Things are still going well in the me me me stakes. 5kgs gone since new years and still working on it. Who knows, I might actually achieve my goal by the end of the year! That'd be a shocker for me. Actually keeping a promise to myself, who would have thought? I'm joining the gym again and I've got my fitness assessment next tuesday... YUCK! Not looking forward to that little experience. If they bring out those fat calipers I'm just going to say "look, it's quite obvious that I've got fat padding so let's just agree on that and not measure it eh?". At least I'm exempt from the fricken click test which was devised by some sadist. [can't remember if I told you that I've sprained my ankle... frucking klutz] The click test is basically a recording of clicks which slowly speed up. You have to run between two lines about 10-20meters apart aiming to get to one line by the click then back by the next click. Starts at about 30 seconds between clicks and gets excruciatingly fast. Bascially you count how many clicks you get up to and it measures something, who actually knows what it measures. I'm sure it's just some sort of torture test really. The last time I did it there was a group of 20 of us doing it and there was only one dude who could get to the end of the tape and he's a long distance runner so it doesn't count. I bombed out half way so I wasn't too bad. Beat the bitch that I wanted to so nyah!

Oh guess what? I got breathalized last night for the first time in 10 years! I hadn't been drinking so was a-ok but damn it was funny. I was in a smartass mood and when I pulled up I smirked and said "Is there a problem officer?" and he just chuckled. I was going to roll down the window and sniff a bit and say "I smell bacon" but I can imagine that that would not have gone down as well ;}

Top 3 for today:
1. paracetamol - woke up with a headache this morning owowowowwww [and that was after having a really odd dream about sitting outside with my Dad and seeing something flying in the air and initially thinking it was an out of control plane and hearing people screaming about it. It turned out to be a car which was puzzling... until I looked to my right to see an oncoming tornado. It totally freaked me out and I woke up in a sweat wondering where I could run to. The dream has stayed with me all day and I can still see it so clearly.]
2. paper recycling bins ;}
3. home made frozen strawberry smoothies

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

ch ch changes

Can everyone just go on a weeks holiday so that I can catch up? I've got so much to do and not enough time to do it in and I'm actually starting to feel a little pressure. It's more pressure that I'm putting on myself rather than pressure driven by other people or deadlines. Lets just say that things are pretty hectic at work. I had my 6 month review today and it went pretty well, very positive feedback and I got a High rating. We've also had peer review recently and it looks like perception is still my biggest problem with my collegues. The general perception of my job and the role that I play in my section. How do you change people's perception? I seem to be haunted by fk this week. A few things have flared up at work which are a direct result of his past mismanagement, spinelessness and lack of support of his staff. You'll have to go back through the April/May/June archives for rantiness on that.

At that time I was battling to clear the negative perception of certain areas of my work within the section by demonstrating consistancy, transparency in my actions and an attitude of change and openness. And to a point it has certainly worked but this week has shown that there is still some of that old school thinking. And it's funny that it's the old timers [aka departure loungers waiting for retirement] that can't seem to see that things aren't actually the way that they think they are and that things that I do are done for a reason, not just because I'm a control freak. Well.. I am a little bit of a control freak but not in relation to this particular issue.

I've tried to address the issue of where I am at the moment and the immediate future of my role in different ways, talking one on one with the problem people, having presentations for the teams in the section and talking to their team leaders to try and get the message across so I'm kinda at a loss at what to do now. I think I need to approach it differently again but I'm not really sure how. Oh well I'll think of something I assure you.

Sad to say but other than that I don't really have much exciting news. It's just been work work work so lets talk about me for a bit - I got tagged [thanks B]:

1. lips
2. eyes
3. fingernails

1. flabceps
2. fluorescent moontan skin
3. pancake butt

1. crazy drivers
2. my family dying before me
3. singing in public

1. glass of water with half a lemon in the morning
2. cat cuddles
3. email/internet

1. small black strappy dress
2. jewelery
3. smile? [not much else, too bloody hot ;} ]

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS: [this is always so hard for me because I'm such a music nut, does this mean fave bands of all time or right this very second? - for this exercise I'm going to make it right now [this week] otherwise we'll be here all night... and just three...sheesh!]
1. Linkin Park
2. The Streets
3. Muse

1. archery
2. beading
3. reading

1. Maldives
2. Fiji
3. Somewhere cold and mountainy when it's snowing.

1. have a child
2. live in a castle with a dungeon and in equal second place - learn how to ride a horse
3. go to the moon for a holiday

1. play video games
2. swear too much
3. can be slobby

1. like cutesy nail things
2. love gossip mags
3. wear cosmetics

1. I think that the previous post kinda covers this and then some

Now playing: Linkin Park - Reanimation
Now reading: A Sparrows Falls - Wilbur Smith