Wednesday, September 14, 2005

don't need to see that ugly thing, I know it's me you fear

I'm finding it really hard to muster up a carefactor above a chilly minus 40 for anything these days. It's taking me 3 coffees in the morning to warm up the carefactor. I really don't know what my problem is. I think I'm just bored. Bored out of my fuckin skull. I guess that's one thing that pot did for me, filled in the tedious hours of boredom by switching off my brain so that I just didn't notice it. But that's avoidance and not dealing with the problem. It's not like I don't have things to do but I just couldn't be bothered. Carefactor 0. No motivation.

A friend of mine reckons that it's because I have no passion in my life at the moment. No passion romantically/sexually or work/life wise. True but how do you change that? I'm in a catch 22 situation where I want sex so badly it's just not funny but if the situation presented itself I'd probably run a mile because I can't even stand looking at my body in the mirror so how is ANY guy going to even be remotely attracted to me. Work wise I just don't give a shit about my current job but what I really want to do I can't because I need to be able to pay myself a salary and I can't figure out a way to make it work. So I'm stuck there as I've gotta pay the bills and the mortgage. I'm the sort of person that believes in 'if you don't like it, fix it' but I can see now how sometimes that's just not possible. I'm just so unsatisfied in all respects but I don't know what to do about it. so once again bitch and moan, bitch and moan... borrrring! ;}

heheh but on a positive note, I've found a new nailgirly. I've got an appointment at 7:45AM on Friday... should be blogable because she sounded a bit... interesting.

And no word from CTG yet... no doubt I've scared the poor fella off. And saw my paperboy this afternoon. Damn he's tall and cute as well, had a little daydream that CTG turned out to be him. I wish!

I've also got some more very cool spring pics for ya but my camera battery died in the ass so I'll post them tomorrow.

And speaking of ass, stumbled my way onto the first porn blog I've seen on blogspot. Pornfans direct your browsers to gamblingking.blogspot.com It would be remiss of me not to share free porn


now playing: Seether and Duran Duran
now reading: The Modigliani Scandal by who else Ken Follett

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